I figure there's gonna be a lot of these, but hey, might as well start one now. Here's a random collection of (NON-pornographic) videos I've found online recently.
1. 150-cc thrills abound in Mario Kart: The Movie.
2. Doc Brown meets the Governator. It's about time!
3. Windows 7 was waaaaaay too many people's idea.
4. While we're on College Humor... what would it look like if retro video games destroyed New York City? Freaking AWESOME, that's what.
5. Probably the crudest video I'm going to post... ever... but it's just so damn funny. "F*ck Planet Earth"
6. And, rounding out the list, the single greatest contribution to modern art: Final Cello Countdown.
So... basically, this list was done because I've got pretty much nothing else. But hey, there's always bitching about finals in a couple of weeks.
Dan
2010-04-11
2010-03-28
2Plays1Relay
I can't believe I actually managed to do it. I nearly doubled my record for most consecutive waking hours this weekend, topping out at 42. What could possibly have compelled me to undertake such a seemingly-impossible task? Read on, or else be damned to lack of knowledge.
I woke up around 8:00 am on Friday, not exactly willingly. Normally I'm allowed to sleep in 'till 10:00 due to my awesome schedule, but for reasons unexplained my biological clock wouldn't allow for it. (Which is odd, because I'm so old, my biological clock usually just flashes 12:00, 12:00, 12:00...) Anyway, Friday night I had another performance of "While The Lights Were Out", mentioned previously, and afterward came the main event: Relay For Life.
I'd never been to a Relay event, but for both family members who have attended in the past, it was a blast, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Prior to the event I'd managed to reach my goal of raising $150, with thirty of those dollars being donated online DURING the event... thanks again, Lorraine! Our event was held inside our rec center, though the weather outside was good enough all night to warrant being outside for it... oh, well. The theme was Heroes For Hope, though I seemed to be the only one dressed as a superhero... Captain Canada was very well-received. Tent areas and the like were set up for each participating team, and many awesome fundraisers were to be had at each campsite. (Lemme tell ya, the Panther Paws lady won me over with a back massage at 5:30 in the morning; almost fell asleep in the padded chair apparatus thing.)
The highlight of the night came rather early in the event: Miss Relay. A few days beforehand, I'd been selected for the honorable position of dressing up like a woman and participating in something of a beauty pageant. My stage name was "Donna Cherie... but you can call me Cher" for a reason: damned if that outfit, black wig and all, didn't make me look like her. Trust me, there's at least 20 photos of my get-up circling Facebook at the moment. Anyway, there were three portions to the pageant: Q&A, talent, and "finances". I can't even remember what my question was for the Q&A, but it got a laugh all the same. I totally won the talent portion by improv-singing "My Heart Will Go On" in falsetto; those standing O's never lie. And then came the most fun part... earning money within a 10-minute timeframe. Problem was, they never told you HOW to earn the money, and as such, I shamelessly whored myself out to men for cash.
I earned 97 goddamned dollars in 10 minutes. Honest. My fake boobage was racked (ahem) with bills by the end of those 600 seconds. I didn't end up winning the competition; that honour went to a quite generous "frat girl" who pulled out a $350 check on behalf of the team. But all of the awesome, purple-shirt-wearing cancer survivors said I'd been robbed of the title, so that makes me happy, in a strange and deeply confusing manner. Also, note to women: Please do not torture yourself any longer with those damned high heels/pumps/whatever godforsaken uncomfortable footwear you decided to popularize. Had a friend who said at the end of it all, "Well, now you've walked an hour in a woman's shoes." A) That sounds like a very cheesy proverb, and B) Gimme back my almighty running shoes of comparably heavenly comfort. Kthxbai. (Got the walk down though, and thanks to the other College Players team members, the makeup actually made me look like the real deal. So... thank you, I think.)
Returning to slightly less shameful areas of interest... well, it's karaoke, so I guess that "slightly" would be like if "x" was less than 10^-5 and therefore negligible in an equilibrium constant expression. (Shameless nerd joke FTW.) I went for the women's heartstrings by singing the King's "Can't Help Falling In Love" and ended up in the finals, where I think I got in third place out of seven in terms of voting by singing "Return to Sender". Shoulda gone with Heartbreak Hotel in hindsight, but whatever.
The following are just bits and pieces I remember:
1) Theme song trivia: Can't believe we came in second by one song (15 total). Darkwing Duck and Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers were pulled from what I thought to be relative obscurity, and were fully awesome. #14 was the best, though: When I happened to hear the first second of trumpet playing, I instantly knew it was Dudley Do-Right and, considering my outfit, laughed hysterically. The judge even looked over during the answer part and said, "OK, anyone but the Canadian is allowed to answer #14."
2) Themed laps: One of them involved leapfrog, and I think the first time I came down from a leap I gave a minor head injury to my compadre, so apologies for that, Mike. Best one though was the "run-around-like-a-superhero" lap. Captain Canada, cape and all, in the bag, done, no question.
3) Tug O' War was held outside at 3:00 am, and I was one of the five who helped College Players come in second. It was rather satisfying to help the theater nerds beat 2 frats in a row. I still have the rope blisters and wear 'em as a badge of honour.
There's almost certainly things I'm forgetting, buy hey, you know... me with my addle-brained mind and all. Overall I ended up earning $250 towards cancer research, which was totally amazing for a first-time Relayer. Thanks again to everyone who donated. Oh, and by the way, you're still allowed to donate despite the main event being over; Relay season doesn't end 'till August. Send money and save lives NOW!
Relay finally ended around 11:00 am, and by that time I had already broken my consecutive conscious hours record. Honestly, I felt exhausted from all the walking and events, but couldn't fall asleep. I don't know what it is, but I just can't get to sleep when I know there's daylight outside. And so, I performed the final performance of While The Lights Were Out running on (at that point) over 36 hours without rest.
Ah, yes, Prank Night. This magical time happens during all of College Players' final performance nights. Basically the rules are, don't change the show and don't let the audience see the pranks. Well, with 40 random Sweet 'n Low packets and a hearty helping of various phalluses littered about the stage, I was surprised no one really broke character; mad props to them. Oh, and when two people drag my body off (SPOILER ALERT FAIL) they decided to drop me five times in the process, and I ended up being the only one who kept a stone face. Sweet.
I had also been volun-told a few nights before to, after the final performance, present the traditional signed cast posters to various people integral to the show. Yeah, over a day-and-a-half of no sleep made for some interesting improv. A friend presented ME, however, with a signed poster as well, because apparently I am now the official voice and spokesperson of College Players. Which is awesome, because I get to publicly represent raging nerds who happen to be very nice and like the performing arts.
After the play, we went to T.G.I. Friday's where some very nice CP'ers paid for my meal since I'd been up for so long, and done two plays and many, MANY events at Relay in between those performances. Next time you go, I wholly recommend the Gourmet Mac 'n Five Cheese. Chicken bacon penne cheesy awesomeness for $7 right there, folks.
So there you have it. The absolute longest I've ever stayed awake, coupled with likely the craziest weekend I've ever had. Now get the hell outta here, the Old Man's going to bed, and whichever one of you damn kids wakes me up, you'll be the first to die by my cane.
Dan
I woke up around 8:00 am on Friday, not exactly willingly. Normally I'm allowed to sleep in 'till 10:00 due to my awesome schedule, but for reasons unexplained my biological clock wouldn't allow for it. (Which is odd, because I'm so old, my biological clock usually just flashes 12:00, 12:00, 12:00...) Anyway, Friday night I had another performance of "While The Lights Were Out", mentioned previously, and afterward came the main event: Relay For Life.
I'd never been to a Relay event, but for both family members who have attended in the past, it was a blast, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Prior to the event I'd managed to reach my goal of raising $150, with thirty of those dollars being donated online DURING the event... thanks again, Lorraine! Our event was held inside our rec center, though the weather outside was good enough all night to warrant being outside for it... oh, well. The theme was Heroes For Hope, though I seemed to be the only one dressed as a superhero... Captain Canada was very well-received. Tent areas and the like were set up for each participating team, and many awesome fundraisers were to be had at each campsite. (Lemme tell ya, the Panther Paws lady won me over with a back massage at 5:30 in the morning; almost fell asleep in the padded chair apparatus thing.)
The highlight of the night came rather early in the event: Miss Relay. A few days beforehand, I'd been selected for the honorable position of dressing up like a woman and participating in something of a beauty pageant. My stage name was "Donna Cherie... but you can call me Cher" for a reason: damned if that outfit, black wig and all, didn't make me look like her. Trust me, there's at least 20 photos of my get-up circling Facebook at the moment. Anyway, there were three portions to the pageant: Q&A, talent, and "finances". I can't even remember what my question was for the Q&A, but it got a laugh all the same. I totally won the talent portion by improv-singing "My Heart Will Go On" in falsetto; those standing O's never lie. And then came the most fun part... earning money within a 10-minute timeframe. Problem was, they never told you HOW to earn the money, and as such, I shamelessly whored myself out to men for cash.
I earned 97 goddamned dollars in 10 minutes. Honest. My fake boobage was racked (ahem) with bills by the end of those 600 seconds. I didn't end up winning the competition; that honour went to a quite generous "frat girl" who pulled out a $350 check on behalf of the team. But all of the awesome, purple-shirt-wearing cancer survivors said I'd been robbed of the title, so that makes me happy, in a strange and deeply confusing manner. Also, note to women: Please do not torture yourself any longer with those damned high heels/pumps/whatever godforsaken uncomfortable footwear you decided to popularize. Had a friend who said at the end of it all, "Well, now you've walked an hour in a woman's shoes." A) That sounds like a very cheesy proverb, and B) Gimme back my almighty running shoes of comparably heavenly comfort. Kthxbai. (Got the walk down though, and thanks to the other College Players team members, the makeup actually made me look like the real deal. So... thank you, I think.)
Returning to slightly less shameful areas of interest... well, it's karaoke, so I guess that "slightly" would be like if "x" was less than 10^-5 and therefore negligible in an equilibrium constant expression. (Shameless nerd joke FTW.) I went for the women's heartstrings by singing the King's "Can't Help Falling In Love" and ended up in the finals, where I think I got in third place out of seven in terms of voting by singing "Return to Sender". Shoulda gone with Heartbreak Hotel in hindsight, but whatever.
The following are just bits and pieces I remember:
1) Theme song trivia: Can't believe we came in second by one song (15 total). Darkwing Duck and Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers were pulled from what I thought to be relative obscurity, and were fully awesome. #14 was the best, though: When I happened to hear the first second of trumpet playing, I instantly knew it was Dudley Do-Right and, considering my outfit, laughed hysterically. The judge even looked over during the answer part and said, "OK, anyone but the Canadian is allowed to answer #14."
2) Themed laps: One of them involved leapfrog, and I think the first time I came down from a leap I gave a minor head injury to my compadre, so apologies for that, Mike. Best one though was the "run-around-like-a-superhero" lap. Captain Canada, cape and all, in the bag, done, no question.
3) Tug O' War was held outside at 3:00 am, and I was one of the five who helped College Players come in second. It was rather satisfying to help the theater nerds beat 2 frats in a row. I still have the rope blisters and wear 'em as a badge of honour.
There's almost certainly things I'm forgetting, buy hey, you know... me with my addle-brained mind and all. Overall I ended up earning $250 towards cancer research, which was totally amazing for a first-time Relayer. Thanks again to everyone who donated. Oh, and by the way, you're still allowed to donate despite the main event being over; Relay season doesn't end 'till August. Send money and save lives NOW!
Relay finally ended around 11:00 am, and by that time I had already broken my consecutive conscious hours record. Honestly, I felt exhausted from all the walking and events, but couldn't fall asleep. I don't know what it is, but I just can't get to sleep when I know there's daylight outside. And so, I performed the final performance of While The Lights Were Out running on (at that point) over 36 hours without rest.
Ah, yes, Prank Night. This magical time happens during all of College Players' final performance nights. Basically the rules are, don't change the show and don't let the audience see the pranks. Well, with 40 random Sweet 'n Low packets and a hearty helping of various phalluses littered about the stage, I was surprised no one really broke character; mad props to them. Oh, and when two people drag my body off (SPOILER ALERT FAIL) they decided to drop me five times in the process, and I ended up being the only one who kept a stone face. Sweet.
I had also been volun-told a few nights before to, after the final performance, present the traditional signed cast posters to various people integral to the show. Yeah, over a day-and-a-half of no sleep made for some interesting improv. A friend presented ME, however, with a signed poster as well, because apparently I am now the official voice and spokesperson of College Players. Which is awesome, because I get to publicly represent raging nerds who happen to be very nice and like the performing arts.
After the play, we went to T.G.I. Friday's where some very nice CP'ers paid for my meal since I'd been up for so long, and done two plays and many, MANY events at Relay in between those performances. Next time you go, I wholly recommend the Gourmet Mac 'n Five Cheese. Chicken bacon penne cheesy awesomeness for $7 right there, folks.
So there you have it. The absolute longest I've ever stayed awake, coupled with likely the craziest weekend I've ever had. Now get the hell outta here, the Old Man's going to bed, and whichever one of you damn kids wakes me up, you'll be the first to die by my cane.
Dan
2010-03-24
...Is This Thing On?
...OK. Hi. I'm Dan. You may remember me from such historical posts as January 10th's, or maybe even January 4th's for all of you crazy (fellow) old people who can remember that far back. Needless to say the New Year's resolution to keep my blog regularly updated has failed fantasmagorically. University has a habit of shifting priorities towards schoolwork, but I think I've recovered from that now.
The following is a feeble attempt to recap what's been going on in my life for over the past two months. The last blog post had me at the day before the start of spring semester, so grab the popcorn, it'll be a while.
-------------
*Following the critical and commercial success of Urinetown, I decided to try out for Florida Tech College Players' latest foray into the world of acting, "While The Lights Were Out". Auditions were in that first week back from break, and we're already halfway through performances. All you need to know is I play an old stuffy Scrooge-like British guy in a murder mystery farce. Also, watch this commercial to be even more confused.
*This semester finds me with five classes: Chem II, Calc II, Physics I, Physics Lab I and Aviation Meteorology. Got all B's on my midterms but those are definitely subject to change, based on some of the recent test results. (For reference to my fellow Canuckleheads... the letter grades are skewed by 10% from what you're used to. In Florida at least, a 60-69% is a D, and so forth until A=90-100%. Hit me like a ton of bricks when I found out.)
*Last year, I was in Florida for my 18th birthday, enjoying a free day at Disney... this year was slightly different, to say the least. For one thing, being of legal drinking/gambling age in Canada and not being able to take advantage of said for another three months... kind of sucks. I mean, I don't plan of binge-drinking or whatever, but it'd be nice to just have something. The Opening Ceremonies of the 2010 Olympics happened to fall on the same day, and were almost painful to watch being so far away from home. Throughout the week I confirmed for myself what I already thought: NBC gets the gold medal for Olympic coverage fail. It's bad enough they try to pack a full day of live sports into a neat little noticeably-not-live package for primetime and still wonder why they're losing money. But here's the kicker: When I desperately tried to get live coverage by logging onto CTV's website, I found out that NBC had specifically made it so Americans couldn't watch CTV live coverage, without offering ANY live online coverage of their own. I've said it before, I'll say it again: NBC is like the snotty little brat who flipped over the chessboard because he was losing. At least that made the dejected sound of the commentators after the gold-medal hockey game all the more music to my ears. (GREAT game on the players' part, though.)
Oh, not to mention the maple-infused awesomeness that was the Closing Ceremony. Highlights include: William Shatner on making love in a canoe without tipping it over; Michael J. Fox simply being there; and the "Made in Canada" sequence extravaganza which was quite possibly the funniest and greatest moment I've ever seen on television. Seriously, it was like watching South Park Presents: Canada On Ice. I've never been so proud of my country's sense of humour.
And to leave this Olympic discussion (which was still longer than NBC's, incidentally), I give you NBC confusing Terry Fox for Michael J. Fox.
*And because I haven't mentioned how much NBC truly fails in other venues yet, there's that whole Tonight Show debacle. I was extremely pissed at how it turned out, but the outpouring of support for Conan was amazing, and the last week of shows even more so. Conan proved that the funniest comedy comes when you've got nothing to lose; all the punchlines were NBC-related and fully deserved. Not to mention it allows Conan to be his old self on another network in the future, but not for seven months after the last Tonight Show... thank God for "Conan's Legally-Prohibited-From-Being-Funny-On-Television Tour."
-------------
...Huh. Thought it'd be longer than this. (TWSS.) Guess a disadvantage of being old is forgetting things. Who knew? Well, anyway, I hope to add more to the blog eventually and hopefully not another two months down the line. Thanks for reading the discontinuous adventures of Old Man Dan.
The following is a feeble attempt to recap what's been going on in my life for over the past two months. The last blog post had me at the day before the start of spring semester, so grab the popcorn, it'll be a while.
-------------
*Following the critical and commercial success of Urinetown, I decided to try out for Florida Tech College Players' latest foray into the world of acting, "While The Lights Were Out". Auditions were in that first week back from break, and we're already halfway through performances. All you need to know is I play an old stuffy Scrooge-like British guy in a murder mystery farce. Also, watch this commercial to be even more confused.
*This semester finds me with five classes: Chem II, Calc II, Physics I, Physics Lab I and Aviation Meteorology. Got all B's on my midterms but those are definitely subject to change, based on some of the recent test results. (For reference to my fellow Canuckleheads... the letter grades are skewed by 10% from what you're used to. In Florida at least, a 60-69% is a D, and so forth until A=90-100%. Hit me like a ton of bricks when I found out.)
*Last year, I was in Florida for my 18th birthday, enjoying a free day at Disney... this year was slightly different, to say the least. For one thing, being of legal drinking/gambling age in Canada and not being able to take advantage of said for another three months... kind of sucks. I mean, I don't plan of binge-drinking or whatever, but it'd be nice to just have something. The Opening Ceremonies of the 2010 Olympics happened to fall on the same day, and were almost painful to watch being so far away from home. Throughout the week I confirmed for myself what I already thought: NBC gets the gold medal for Olympic coverage fail. It's bad enough they try to pack a full day of live sports into a neat little noticeably-not-live package for primetime and still wonder why they're losing money. But here's the kicker: When I desperately tried to get live coverage by logging onto CTV's website, I found out that NBC had specifically made it so Americans couldn't watch CTV live coverage, without offering ANY live online coverage of their own. I've said it before, I'll say it again: NBC is like the snotty little brat who flipped over the chessboard because he was losing. At least that made the dejected sound of the commentators after the gold-medal hockey game all the more music to my ears. (GREAT game on the players' part, though.)
Oh, not to mention the maple-infused awesomeness that was the Closing Ceremony. Highlights include: William Shatner on making love in a canoe without tipping it over; Michael J. Fox simply being there; and the "Made in Canada" sequence extravaganza which was quite possibly the funniest and greatest moment I've ever seen on television. Seriously, it was like watching South Park Presents: Canada On Ice. I've never been so proud of my country's sense of humour.
And to leave this Olympic discussion (which was still longer than NBC's, incidentally), I give you NBC confusing Terry Fox for Michael J. Fox.
*And because I haven't mentioned how much NBC truly fails in other venues yet, there's that whole Tonight Show debacle. I was extremely pissed at how it turned out, but the outpouring of support for Conan was amazing, and the last week of shows even more so. Conan proved that the funniest comedy comes when you've got nothing to lose; all the punchlines were NBC-related and fully deserved. Not to mention it allows Conan to be his old self on another network in the future, but not for seven months after the last Tonight Show... thank God for "Conan's Legally-Prohibited-From-Being-Funny-On-Television Tour."
-------------
...Huh. Thought it'd be longer than this. (TWSS.) Guess a disadvantage of being old is forgetting things. Who knew? Well, anyway, I hope to add more to the blog eventually and hopefully not another two months down the line. Thanks for reading the discontinuous adventures of Old Man Dan.
2010-01-10
On Frozen Pond
So I'm back in Florida Tech after an almost month-long and very well-enjoyed break. (If you don't know where Florida Tech is, Google it; if you have to do that, you probably don't know me, in which case I'm honored you specifically chose my blog to help erase your sanity.) I've gotten a lot of flack for attending school here, on both sides of the border. Back in Canuckistan, the running joke was that I was abandoning the north for warmer winter climes; down here, it's mostly quips about my saying "eh" a lot. (Northerners, even if you don't think you say it often -- as I did -- chances are VERY high you do. I say I'm a proud member of the Eh-Team, and damned be the rest.) But, interestingly, my two worlds have very recently collided.
It snowed, however briefly, over much of Central Florida yesterday.
No, I don't mean someone accidentally dropped a cooler of frozen strawberry daquiri from the party plane; I'm talking genuine, White Christmas-making snow. And while the prospect of watching Floridians panic in anything below a 50F high warms my heart, it sorta negates all those cold jokes. Oh, sure, the highs are still about 30 degrees warmer than home, and it's gonna be 75 and sunny again by the weekend, but trust me when I say it's a different kind of cold down here. A single jacket usually won't amount to crap compared to a bunch of layers of thin clothing. Anyway, Central Florida gets flurries once every few years, but nothing's stuck on the ground since about 1976; usually the only place you see white powder in Florida is on a Miami hooker's back. (HI-yo!) Even my beloved Epcot saw some snow 'till about noon.
I can't tell you how many people I've heard this week making some "So much for global warming!" joke. Let me state very clearly: 1) Global warming affects long-term global climate patterns, and 2) It should be measured on a geologic, NOT seasonal scale. While it's very rare for Florida to have such a prolonged period of often below-freezing temperatures, there are just some things you can't fault Al Gore on. (I plan to do a special climate change rant edition of "LOOD" -- the newly-discovered and very descriptive acronym for the blog -- at some point before we all go underwater.)
Besides, we shouldn't necessarily worry; if we really want the ice caps to refreeze, we could always send Hillary Clinton to give 'em an unflinching glare; it worked for Bill.
----------
And speaking of unrelated topics...
I saw a brief newsflash on the Internets that caught my eye, and after reading further into it, I'm glad it did. Seems that Russia's Kontinental Hockey League (KHL) had a game yesterday that looked more like KGB.
You can skip to the 1:20 mark for the main event, but this chart is probably self-evident:
Yeah, you read #13 right: 28 players involved. The most amazing part is looking at the times of these brawls: one happening even before the game starts, followed by about 207 seconds of "peace", with 7 seconds of play between fights, then 3, then a whopping 2. Keep in mind those times above are in minutes of play, and the fight stats end abruptly for a reason: literally everyone except the goalies were penalized, and the frickin' game was called FOUR MINUTES in due to forfeit by both teams, with an unprecedented (and non-typo'd) 691 penalty minutes incurred between the two rivals.
Needless to say, I'm pretty sure this new record of 3.16 penalty minutes per second of play will be a VERY long-standing record.
Dan
It snowed, however briefly, over much of Central Florida yesterday.
No, I don't mean someone accidentally dropped a cooler of frozen strawberry daquiri from the party plane; I'm talking genuine, White Christmas-making snow. And while the prospect of watching Floridians panic in anything below a 50F high warms my heart, it sorta negates all those cold jokes. Oh, sure, the highs are still about 30 degrees warmer than home, and it's gonna be 75 and sunny again by the weekend, but trust me when I say it's a different kind of cold down here. A single jacket usually won't amount to crap compared to a bunch of layers of thin clothing. Anyway, Central Florida gets flurries once every few years, but nothing's stuck on the ground since about 1976; usually the only place you see white powder in Florida is on a Miami hooker's back. (HI-yo!) Even my beloved Epcot saw some snow 'till about noon.
I can't tell you how many people I've heard this week making some "So much for global warming!" joke. Let me state very clearly: 1) Global warming affects long-term global climate patterns, and 2) It should be measured on a geologic, NOT seasonal scale. While it's very rare for Florida to have such a prolonged period of often below-freezing temperatures, there are just some things you can't fault Al Gore on. (I plan to do a special climate change rant edition of "LOOD" -- the newly-discovered and very descriptive acronym for the blog -- at some point before we all go underwater.)
Besides, we shouldn't necessarily worry; if we really want the ice caps to refreeze, we could always send Hillary Clinton to give 'em an unflinching glare; it worked for Bill.
----------
And speaking of unrelated topics...
I saw a brief newsflash on the Internets that caught my eye, and after reading further into it, I'm glad it did. Seems that Russia's Kontinental Hockey League (KHL) had a game yesterday that looked more like KGB.
You can skip to the 1:20 mark for the main event, but this chart is probably self-evident:
Summary Of Events
| 1 | 0:00 | Fight | Svitov-Verot |
| 2 | 0:00 | Fight | Pervushin-Sugden |
| 3 | 3:27 | Line Brawl | 10 players |
| 4 | 3:27 | Fight | Svitov-Sugden |
| 5 | 3:27 | Fight | Jagr-Verot |
| 6 | 3:27 | Fight | Belov-Sapozhkov |
| 7 | 3:27 | Fight | Yezhov-Litvinenko |
| 8 | 3:34 | Line Brawl | 8 players |
| 9 | 3:34 | Fight | Orlov-Zuborev |
| 10 | 3:34 | Fight | Khramkov-Klimenko |
| 11 | 3:34 | Fight | Bondarev-Megalinsky |
| 12 | 3:34 | Fight | Pervushin-Koznev |
| 13 | 3:37 | Bench-Clearing Brawl | 28 players |
| 14 | 3:37 | Fight | Perrin-Berdnikov |
| 15 | 3:37 | Fight | Averin-Komaristy |
| 16 | 3:37 | Fight | Ryabykin-Belousov |
| 17 | 3:37 | Fight | Vlasenkov-Kolesnikov |
| 18 | 3:37 | Fight | Klepis-Batyrshin |
| 19 | 3:37 | Fight | Kukkonen-Sergeyev |
| 20 | 3:37 | Fight | Ryabykin-Bakhriddinov |
| 21 | 3:37 | Fight | Kuryanov-Belokon |
| 22 | 3:37 | Fight | Bondarev-Litvinenko |
| 23 | 3:37 | Fight | Yezhov-Zuborev |
| 24 | 3:39 | Mini-Brawl | 4 players |
| 25 | 3:39 | Fight | Klepis-Bobrov |
| 26 | 3:39 | Fight | Volkov-Bakhriddinov |
Yeah, you read #13 right: 28 players involved. The most amazing part is looking at the times of these brawls: one happening even before the game starts, followed by about 207 seconds of "peace", with 7 seconds of play between fights, then 3, then a whopping 2. Keep in mind those times above are in minutes of play, and the fight stats end abruptly for a reason: literally everyone except the goalies were penalized, and the frickin' game was called FOUR MINUTES in due to forfeit by both teams, with an unprecedented (and non-typo'd) 691 penalty minutes incurred between the two rivals.
Needless to say, I'm pretty sure this new record of 3.16 penalty minutes per second of play will be a VERY long-standing record.
Dan
2010-01-04
Duct Tape Forever
So I'm sitting in my room out of complete boredom (which tends to happen on days with negative windchill) when all of a sudden I hear a familiar tune playing on TV. It had been a few years since I'd heard it, but it was the comedic dinner bell to my inner Pavlovian dog:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km2rzNnxmXo
It hit me like Kirstie Alley going after a cake: I dearly miss The Red Green Show.
Yes, this little slice of awesome was a cornerstone of my CBC-Friday-Night driven childhood. Every school week's end was marked by watching the good ol' boys from Possum Lodge get through everyday Canadian life; hell, I'm actually an honorary member of the Lodge, according to the fan club kit (with OFFICIAL iron-on patch) I still have. There was nothing I wouldn't have given to win the Possum Lodge Word Game, or read poetry while camping in Northern Ontario in the dead of winter. A sample:
"It is Winter.
A time to pause.
The driveway is half shoveled out.
But I lay down the shovel
And I stop to enjoy this moment.
After all, this is my first heart attack."
Anyway, there was an hour-long special on the Comedy Network tonight featuring the entire cast with clips from the show. That's when I realized just how much I miss Red & Company; they took impossible handyman tasks and made molehills out of mountains, yet the can-do (and will-do) spirit made you see a mountain in the end result all the same. And they did it for 300 episodes, making them the longest-running sitcom EVER, second only to the Simpsons.
I really can't describe why I loved the show so much. Maybe it's because it was one of the first TV comedies I was introduced to / allowed to watch; perhaps it was the inadvertently sound advice at the end of every show to "keep your stick on the ice" that got me through hockey the following Saturday morning. If there's anything I can thank them for, though, it's giving me the wisdom for getting me where I am today: If something doesn't look like it'll work, keep at it and it probably will; if it doesn't, well, maybe it wasn't meant to work anyway. But you're never a failure, so long as you've got good friends, good health, and a full roll of duct tape.
It also taught me you can make a bread machine out of a dishwasher.
Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati, indeed.
Dan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km2rzNnxmXo
It hit me like Kirstie Alley going after a cake: I dearly miss The Red Green Show.
Yes, this little slice of awesome was a cornerstone of my CBC-Friday-Night driven childhood. Every school week's end was marked by watching the good ol' boys from Possum Lodge get through everyday Canadian life; hell, I'm actually an honorary member of the Lodge, according to the fan club kit (with OFFICIAL iron-on patch) I still have. There was nothing I wouldn't have given to win the Possum Lodge Word Game, or read poetry while camping in Northern Ontario in the dead of winter. A sample:
"It is Winter.
A time to pause.
The driveway is half shoveled out.
But I lay down the shovel
And I stop to enjoy this moment.
After all, this is my first heart attack."
Anyway, there was an hour-long special on the Comedy Network tonight featuring the entire cast with clips from the show. That's when I realized just how much I miss Red & Company; they took impossible handyman tasks and made molehills out of mountains, yet the can-do (and will-do) spirit made you see a mountain in the end result all the same. And they did it for 300 episodes, making them the longest-running sitcom EVER, second only to the Simpsons.
I really can't describe why I loved the show so much. Maybe it's because it was one of the first TV comedies I was introduced to / allowed to watch; perhaps it was the inadvertently sound advice at the end of every show to "keep your stick on the ice" that got me through hockey the following Saturday morning. If there's anything I can thank them for, though, it's giving me the wisdom for getting me where I am today: If something doesn't look like it'll work, keep at it and it probably will; if it doesn't, well, maybe it wasn't meant to work anyway. But you're never a failure, so long as you've got good friends, good health, and a full roll of duct tape.
It also taught me you can make a bread machine out of a dishwasher.
Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati, indeed.
Dan
2010-01-02
Old Dan Reviews: Avatar
I refused to believe all the hype before seeing this 3-hour epic; James Cameron may have done a fantastic job on Titanic (and don't tell me otherwise), but going into a film with no expectations and no synopsis is something I've found to be an extremely refreshing experience, like Sprite for your eyes. (Ed note: Do NOT pour Sprite in your eyes, as it is far from refreshing.)
Ladies and gentlemen, my verdict for Avatar: Ohmuhguh.
See, I think James Cameron succeeded where Michael Bay failed me; whereas Bay deals more with the obnoxious, "pay-no-attention-to-the-thin-plot-behind-the-curtain" special effects, Cameron weaves a web of CGI so fine that you can't help but let your jaw drop at how far cinema has come. Sure, the plot is almost too familiar and formulaic for its own good, but the fact that an entire other WORLD, rich in wildlife and steeped in tradition among its indigenous people, was created solely for the purposes of this film just amazes me.
Come to think of it, I'm almost mad that Cameron & Co. distracted me well enough from the plot. I very much value my film storylines, and Avatar's was admittedly a cookie-cutter "save the environment" message, or as my sister put it, "Fern Gully-esque". But as I said, you can imagine why the movie as a whole took over six years to perfect; this is the only film which I can say has flawless SFX (including a tree-felling scene which makes Burning Man look like Smoldering Twig), and because I saw it in 3-D, I'm inclined to believe that sadly these effects won't be NEARLY as justified on the small screen.
I therefore encourage you, every last one of you readers (there's barely more than one of you anyways, I'd wager), to see Avatar in theatres and especially in that most glorious of dimensions, the third.
Dan
P.S. James Cameron also managed to convince a VERY captive audience that early Native American history can be allegorized using tall blue kitty people. So... there's that.
Ladies and gentlemen, my verdict for Avatar: Ohmuhguh.
See, I think James Cameron succeeded where Michael Bay failed me; whereas Bay deals more with the obnoxious, "pay-no-attention-to-the-thin-plot-behind-the-curtain" special effects, Cameron weaves a web of CGI so fine that you can't help but let your jaw drop at how far cinema has come. Sure, the plot is almost too familiar and formulaic for its own good, but the fact that an entire other WORLD, rich in wildlife and steeped in tradition among its indigenous people, was created solely for the purposes of this film just amazes me.
Come to think of it, I'm almost mad that Cameron & Co. distracted me well enough from the plot. I very much value my film storylines, and Avatar's was admittedly a cookie-cutter "save the environment" message, or as my sister put it, "Fern Gully-esque". But as I said, you can imagine why the movie as a whole took over six years to perfect; this is the only film which I can say has flawless SFX (including a tree-felling scene which makes Burning Man look like Smoldering Twig), and because I saw it in 3-D, I'm inclined to believe that sadly these effects won't be NEARLY as justified on the small screen.
I therefore encourage you, every last one of you readers (there's barely more than one of you anyways, I'd wager), to see Avatar in theatres and especially in that most glorious of dimensions, the third.
Dan
P.S. James Cameron also managed to convince a VERY captive audience that early Native American history can be allegorized using tall blue kitty people. So... there's that.
2010-01-01
One Small Step For Dan, One Giant Disaster For The Internets
Ah, crap. Now I've gone and signed up for the one corner of the Internet that I had previously left relatively sacred... well, of the parts that still had varying degrees of dignity intact. (Life story.)
Welcome to the blog of Dan Smith, resident fogey-in-chief and Canada's greatest living folk hero. Since I'm sure that people will eventually look back to this first post for an idea of where it all began (to end), I will try to address future issues accordingly:
1) I had no idea she was a cop.
2) Really.
3) To the followers of the new amalgamated social networking site "YouTwitFace": Count on me to BLOW YOUR FREAKING MIND by expressing my displeasure for the Internet in over 140 characters.
4) I will ask Google this week to ban the search "Dan Smith + escort + hacksaw + ditch". I have no idea why this would be of use to me in the course of future events, but it helps to have the bases covered.
5) Refer to 1).
6) To Twihards: Do yourself a favour. Go out and buy a dictionary. Look up "vampire". Note the lack of references to sparkles and the abundant references to decent literature.
7) In the upcoming Stratford Festival stage version of my autobiography, "Get Off My Lawn", I would like the lead role to be played by U.S. President Colbert.
8) Since I assume I will be rich enough to buy a small country when you read this, chances are I already have. Shout-out from the past to all my loyal servants in the Republic of Danistan*.
9) Refer to 5).
That seems about it. I wish you a very happy new year, and hope that you, as I, will welcome our new insect overlords with open arms, hearts and minds.
Tasty, tasty minds.
*The Happiest Li'l Dictatorship On Earth.
Welcome to the blog of Dan Smith, resident fogey-in-chief and Canada's greatest living folk hero. Since I'm sure that people will eventually look back to this first post for an idea of where it all began (to end), I will try to address future issues accordingly:
1) I had no idea she was a cop.
2) Really.
3) To the followers of the new amalgamated social networking site "YouTwitFace": Count on me to BLOW YOUR FREAKING MIND by expressing my displeasure for the Internet in over 140 characters.
4) I will ask Google this week to ban the search "Dan Smith + escort + hacksaw + ditch". I have no idea why this would be of use to me in the course of future events, but it helps to have the bases covered.
5) Refer to 1).
6) To Twihards: Do yourself a favour. Go out and buy a dictionary. Look up "vampire". Note the lack of references to sparkles and the abundant references to decent literature.
7) In the upcoming Stratford Festival stage version of my autobiography, "Get Off My Lawn", I would like the lead role to be played by U.S. President Colbert.
8) Since I assume I will be rich enough to buy a small country when you read this, chances are I already have. Shout-out from the past to all my loyal servants in the Republic of Danistan*.
9) Refer to 5).
That seems about it. I wish you a very happy new year, and hope that you, as I, will welcome our new insect overlords with open arms, hearts and minds.
Tasty, tasty minds.
*The Happiest Li'l Dictatorship On Earth.
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