One Small Step For Dan, One Giant Disaster For The Internets

Ah, crap. Now I've gone and signed up for the one corner of the Internet that I had previously left relatively sacred... well, of the parts that still had varying degrees of dignity intact. (Life story.)

Welcome to the blog of Dan Smith, resident fogey-in-chief and Canada's greatest living folk hero. Since I'm sure that people will eventually look back to this first post for an idea of where it all began (to end), I will try to address future issues accordingly:

1) I had no idea she was a cop.

2) Really.

3) To the followers of the new amalgamated social networking site "YouTwitFace": Count on me to BLOW YOUR FREAKING MIND by expressing my displeasure for the Internet in over 140 characters.

4) I will ask Google this week to ban the search "Dan Smith + escort + hacksaw + ditch". I have no idea why this would be of use to me in the course of future events, but it helps to have the bases covered.

5) Refer to 1).

6) To Twihards: Do yourself a favour. Go out and buy a dictionary. Look up "vampire". Note the lack of references to sparkles and the abundant references to decent literature.

7) In the upcoming Stratford Festival stage version of my autobiography, "Get Off My Lawn", I would like the lead role to be played by U.S. President Colbert.

8) Since I assume I will be rich enough to buy a small country when you read this, chances are I already have. Shout-out from the past to all my loyal servants in the Republic of Danistan*.

9) Refer to 5).

That seems about it. I wish you a very happy new year, and hope that you, as I, will welcome our new insect overlords with open arms, hearts and minds.

Tasty, tasty minds.

*The Happiest Li'l Dictatorship On Earth.


Anonymous said...

I hope you realize that any country ending with the suffix "stan" is probably doomed.

Old Man Dan said...

Only doomed to religious persecution. (I think there's an app for that, anyway.)

Anonymous said...

oh crap he said the forbidden quote!

dotholmes said...

I'd gladly become a Danastanian...as long as it doesn't require me to learn a new national anthem.

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