I can't believe I actually managed to do it. I nearly doubled my record for most consecutive waking hours this weekend, topping out at 42. What could possibly have compelled me to undertake such a seemingly-impossible task? Read on, or else be damned to lack of knowledge.

I woke up around 8:00 am on Friday, not exactly willingly. Normally I'm allowed to sleep in 'till 10:00 due to my awesome schedule, but for reasons unexplained my biological clock wouldn't allow for it. (Which is odd, because I'm so old, my biological clock usually just flashes 12:00, 12:00, 12:00...) Anyway, Friday night I had another performance of "While The Lights Were Out", mentioned previously, and afterward came the main event: Relay For Life.

I'd never been to a Relay event, but for both family members who have attended in the past, it was a blast, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Prior to the event I'd managed to reach my goal of raising $150, with thirty of those dollars being donated online DURING the event... thanks again, Lorraine! Our event was held inside our rec center, though the weather outside was good enough all night to warrant being outside for it... oh, well. The theme was Heroes For Hope, though I seemed to be the only one dressed as a superhero... Captain Canada was very well-received. Tent areas and the like were set up for each participating team, and many awesome fundraisers were to be had at each campsite. (Lemme tell ya, the Panther Paws lady won me over with a back massage at 5:30 in the morning; almost fell asleep in the padded chair apparatus thing.)

The highlight of the night came rather early in the event: Miss Relay. A few days beforehand, I'd been selected for the honorable position of dressing up like a woman and participating in something of a beauty pageant. My stage name was "Donna Cherie... but you can call me Cher" for a reason: damned if that outfit, black wig and all, didn't make me look like her. Trust me, there's at least 20 photos of my get-up circling Facebook at the moment. Anyway, there were three portions to the pageant: Q&A, talent, and "finances". I can't even remember what my question was for the Q&A, but it got a laugh all the same. I totally won the talent portion by improv-singing "My Heart Will Go On" in falsetto; those standing O's never lie. And then came the most fun part... earning money within a 10-minute timeframe. Problem was, they never told you HOW to earn the money, and as such, I shamelessly whored myself out to men for cash.

I earned 97 goddamned dollars in 10 minutes. Honest. My fake boobage was racked (ahem) with bills by the end of those 600 seconds. I didn't end up winning the competition; that honour went to a quite generous "frat girl" who pulled out a $350 check on behalf of the team. But all of the awesome, purple-shirt-wearing cancer survivors said I'd been robbed of the title, so that makes me happy, in a strange and deeply confusing manner. Also, note to women: Please do not torture yourself any longer with those damned high heels/pumps/whatever godforsaken uncomfortable footwear you decided to popularize. Had a friend who said at the end of it all, "Well, now you've walked an hour in a woman's shoes." A) That sounds like a very cheesy proverb, and B) Gimme back my almighty running shoes of comparably heavenly comfort. Kthxbai. (Got the walk down though, and thanks to the other College Players team members, the makeup actually made me look like the real deal. So... thank you, I think.)

Returning to slightly less shameful areas of interest... well, it's karaoke, so I guess that "slightly" would be like if "x" was less than 10^-5 and therefore negligible in an equilibrium constant expression. (Shameless nerd joke FTW.) I went for the women's heartstrings by singing the King's "Can't Help Falling In Love" and ended up in the finals, where I think I got in third place out of seven in terms of voting by singing "Return to Sender". Shoulda gone with Heartbreak Hotel in hindsight, but whatever.

The following are just bits and pieces I remember:

1) Theme song trivia: Can't believe we came in second by one song (15 total). Darkwing Duck and Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers were pulled from what I thought to be relative obscurity, and were fully awesome. #14 was the best, though: When I happened to hear the first second of trumpet playing, I instantly knew it was Dudley Do-Right and, considering my outfit, laughed hysterically. The judge even looked over during the answer part and said, "OK, anyone but the Canadian is allowed to answer #14."

2) Themed laps: One of them involved leapfrog, and I think the first time I came down from a leap I gave a minor head injury to my compadre, so apologies for that, Mike. Best one though was the "run-around-like-a-superhero" lap. Captain Canada, cape and all, in the bag, done, no question.

3) Tug O' War was held outside at 3:00 am, and I was one of the five who helped College Players come in second. It was rather satisfying to help the theater nerds beat 2 frats in a row. I still have the rope blisters and wear 'em as a badge of honour.

There's almost certainly things I'm forgetting, buy hey, you know... me with my addle-brained mind and all. Overall I ended up earning $250 towards cancer research, which was totally amazing for a first-time Relayer. Thanks again to everyone who donated. Oh, and by the way, you're still allowed to donate despite the main event being over; Relay season doesn't end 'till August. Send money and save lives NOW!

Relay finally ended around 11:00 am, and by that time I had already broken my consecutive conscious hours record. Honestly, I felt exhausted from all the walking and events, but couldn't fall asleep. I don't know what it is, but I just can't get to sleep when I know there's daylight outside. And so, I performed the final performance of While The Lights Were Out running on (at that point) over 36 hours without rest.

Ah, yes, Prank Night. This magical time happens during all of College Players' final performance nights. Basically the rules are, don't change the show and don't let the audience see the pranks. Well, with 40 random Sweet 'n Low packets and a hearty helping of various phalluses littered about the stage, I was surprised no one really broke character; mad props to them. Oh, and when two people drag my body off (SPOILER ALERT FAIL) they decided to drop me five times in the process, and I ended up being the only one who kept a stone face. Sweet.

I had also been volun-told a few nights before to, after the final performance, present the traditional signed cast posters to various people integral to the show. Yeah, over a day-and-a-half of no sleep made for some interesting improv. A friend presented ME, however, with a signed poster as well, because apparently I am now the official voice and spokesperson of College Players. Which is awesome, because I get to publicly represent raging nerds who happen to be very nice and like the performing arts.

After the play, we went to T.G.I. Friday's where some very nice CP'ers paid for my meal since I'd been up for so long, and done two plays and many, MANY events at Relay in between those performances. Next time you go, I wholly recommend the Gourmet Mac 'n Five Cheese. Chicken bacon penne cheesy awesomeness for $7 right there, folks.

So there you have it. The absolute longest I've ever stayed awake, coupled with likely the craziest weekend I've ever had. Now get the hell outta here, the Old Man's going to bed, and whichever one of you damn kids wakes me up, you'll be the first to die by my cane.



Anonymous said...

Oh man Danny, spokesperson for raging nerds who happen to be very nice and like the performing arts? I'm jealous.
Lies. I'm not really; I've never been envious of the drama kids.
But still it beats my weekend, if only because you were helping a cause. I don't think "beating Atlantica, Neverland, AND Hollow Bastion" really count for my part.

Old Man Dan said...

I'm gonna guess Kingdom Hearts?

And most College Players aren't drama kids, anyway; hell, we don't even have a performing arts major/degree available on campus.

Oh, you would've loved Prank Night, too. Much more than the recommended amount of penises on stage.

Anonymous said...

I feel so honoured to be mentioned in Blogland. Also, I'm pretty sure it's peni.

Old Man Dan said...

See, I thought so, too -- sort of like "cacti" -- but according to the Mayo Clinic dictionary, it's penises.

// Either way it's a bunch of pricks. Thank you, I'll show myself out.

Anonymous said...

According to Webster's dictionary, it's either penises or penes. I have never heard the word penes before, ever.

Also, my bad.

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