FREE BEER!*

Now that I have your attention, hello again, world. I’ll try to make this as short and sweet and painless as possible, but I’ve been down that road many times and people usually lie about that. Especially if your present location is within 50 yards of an unmarked van. But not my van. Maybe.

...Well, anyway, here’s another attempt at a summary of the goings-on since... April 11th? Geez, I’ve neglected this blog more than Kirstie Alley and her waistline. (Aah, Kirstie Alley jokes... if it weren’t for the fact that she’s now gotten considerably less planetary, you would be the purest form of comedy. Suppose there’s always Rosie.)

1) My freshman year of college is done, and by God, what a whirlwind tour it’s been. I’ve finally found an acceptable place among the nerds, geeks and generally unwashed masses of college life... which at Florida Tech seems to constitute the majority of the population. (The geeks, not the hygiene issues.) Going into it, I honestly wasn’t either nervous or excited... just really “meh” about the whole deal. Hell, it still hasn’t really hit me that this is big-time college we’re talking here, ‘cause honestly, it just feels like a way more awesome/expensive version of high school. Only, with way more people who understand my pop culture nerd jokes. Which is AWESOME.

2) Speaking of college, my final Semester II grades appear to be less than stellar but manageable: 3 B’s and 2 C’s. Overall GPA is 2.78, and I need above a 2.6 to keep my scholarship. Get your ass in gear, self.

3) After all that quasi-educational tomfoolery, I stayed in Florida for a couple more weeks waiting for my sister to finish her exams/ungodly essay assignments. My uncle owns a townhome in Port Charlotte, very close to Punta Gorda. The backyard faces the 15th hole of a golf course, and lemme tell ya, I’ve never had so much morning entertainment as when I watched people sail 3 balls in a row into the pond on a par-3. Classic.


Also during those two weeks, I went to Universal for a day thanks to my annual pass, with absolutely no lines. To put it in perspective, I rode Dudley Do-Right out of national pride 4 times and rode Hulk twice in the front row to dry off... and if you don’t know what either of those things I just mentioned are, may I suggest you either Google it or kindly DIAF. Also also went to Epcot for my sister’s 21st, whereupon she proceeded to “drink around the world” with friends. Not a big fan of the limoncello as I recall, but I showed her up by drinking all the free Smart Watermelon I could get. (Seriously. They have free Coca-Cola products at one place in the park, and the stuff from China is like liquefied carbonated Jolly Rancher Watermelon. Love.)

4) Coming back to Canada wasn’t too bad of a drive at all. I hadn’t been in the People’s Republic of Canuckistan since before the Vancouver Olympics, so it was nice to watch the Stanley Cup Finals commence with limited retardation on part of the announcers. (Lookin’ at you, NBC.) Also I can drink and gamble legally now, but have yet to take advantage of the latter. The former has so far only involved Smirnoff Ice, which is also pretty good, I guess.

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...And so here I sit, bored on a Monday night, watching roller coaster DVD’s and eating my comfort food of Wavy Lay’s and Helluva Good French Onion dip. (I am SUCH a catch.) I should probably also write about the LOST series finale, but it’ll have to wait until a later time, which is probably yesterday but somehow not. Also I’m in purgatory.

Dan

*With purchase of equal or greater beer. As I understand it, this excludes all American brews.